HOLY CRAP! WHAT A DAY!
BY: Bobby Instant Karma La Douche’
At this point in my life my capacity to really see what is wonderful around me is diminished by tired eyes and the glass being half empty and coated with feces. So today is Tuesday, September 11, 2018. A very solemn day for the United States. I am sorry to say that I hadn’t realized the date today until I sat down to write this. My prayers go out to those families who have to live with the heartache. Yet, there must have been some kind of magic in the air today. Something had me in its palm and was determined to give me a day of joy and laughter no matter how much of a cynic (realist) I am. I wake up and my little varmint dog is happy to see me. My wife, let’s call her Gertrude, had left the house at 6 am to go golfing in a league that she’s in. Her and the girls were going out for breakfast after the grind of nine holes with a cart. I stand and look into the mirror and for a moment I am thankful that I don’t have my glasses on. I reach into my little purple container, open the Tuesday section, and take my eight pills I shave my sagging face and wonder who glued the dark airbags under my eyes. Into the shower I go for the billionth time. I dry off as the text messages pile up because there is no end or beginning to the work day. It’s a circle just like my wedding ring. Clothes on, hair sprayed and brushed, squirt of cologne, and with the retrieval of my keys and I phone 8s out the door I go. Here’s where it gets good. As I push the button on the garage door opener I look at my Mustang convertible. The top is already down as the light enters the garage. No clouds in the sky, the sun is out and glorious, and not a speck of humidity in the air. It’s 74 degrees. Yet I knew I forgot something. I paused and looked around as if something would appear. Ohhhh yeah. The new Paul McCartney album Egypt Station had been delivered on Sunday, yes Sunday, by Amazon and was already a treasured item. Outside of Gertie, only Paul has never let me down. Every time there is a new PM release it’s a very personal and a special time for me. With disc in hand I load it into the CD player and it begins. Pure genius. As I listened to the album during my work travels the warm air, music, and sunshine produced an aura around my car. Just perfection. Serious perfection, and the best part was that I noticed it. I actually was sucking it all in like an elephant in a swimming hole. I took a good look around as I went on my appointed rounds. By the time I was pulling up to my home I had listened to the CD a couple times. All systems are go.
As I get out of the car Gertie was on her way to the hair dresser. It struck me that our life was very comfortable and today nailed that concept down for me. Then as if I didn’t have enough fun I get a call from a friend. Let’s call him Mr. Flintstone. (friends are very important to people in the winter of their life). As it is our custom we mock and make fun of just about anything. This is a PC free zone. Mr. Flintstone proceeds to tell me about his next few days and that it would involve heavy drinking. I asked him what was going on. It couldn’t have been more fun for me. His sister in law fresh out of the booby hatch was coming for a week-long visit and then the death blow came. Newly gay at 65, Mr. Flintstone’s brother in law was also coming for a stay, hopefully in his skinny jeans and thong. His 20 something fiancé was not coming along this time as he has been binge drinking of late. Nothing weird here. We described several scenarios that could happen when the fam was bonding this week. All of these scenarios were very creative and would be disturbing to normal folk but Mr. Flintstone and I enjoy all the perversions of life.
Holy Crap! What a Day!
Bobby Instant Karma La Douche’