Feel Better with CRAP
We are Crabby Retired American People (CRAP) bringing you writings that may provide you with information and observations that stimulate your little frog brain.
How-to & More
Learn how to make a good cocktail. Read a review about a movie or a new music release from someone you may like.
Movies, albums and other stuff will be graded on the time tested 1 CRAP pile to 5 CRAP piles.
Is it the end or the beginning………………?
Crap Magazine comes to you as an ending, the ending or near ending of 50 years of working, serving the wishes of others, being used, being enjoyed, being stressed, being the go to person, being the taxpayer that lets others never work, being the husband, being the dad, being the success, being the giver, being the right or wrong guy, being in love, being wrong, being a boss, being a son, being a brother, being an uncle, and being experienced in the joys and disappointments of dealing with humans.
Picture this as the food I ate through the years with CRAP Magazine as the toilet paper at the end of the alimentary canal.
I have assembled a mildly retarded (yup retarded) think tank to assist me in this endeavor. Burrhead is part of the dementia. He comes to me as a lifelong friend whom I respect and covet as a confidant. His brain was in a jar that said “Abby Normal”. Anybody who had a reel to reel tape deck in high school has to be part of this.
The third leg of the tripod is Derf Selrahc. A true entrepreneur in every sense. A well-known winemaker and winery owner. As the youngest, almost fetal member of this triangle he brings a bit of a stool softener to the Crabby Retired American People Magazine.
While there are three members with differing abilities and sensibilities I am in charge of this rag. I will answer to no one except my wife. We will comment or say whatever we want and am not very interested in whether you agree or not. I am detoxing from the fumes of 63 years of road kill.
Editor in Chief
Bobby La Douche’
Christmas Letter 2025
By Archduke Bobby Plutarch La Douche’ Dear Relatives, Friends, and Countrymen, It has been quite a year for the La Douche’ royalty. I started the year being recognized by the Nobel Committee and prize winner for my tireless work on saving the albino single eyed...
News from Around the World
Handpicked by Bobby La Douche’ Women Commits Suicide after Finding Out Price of Antidepressant Chinese chef gets death sentence for making Peking Duck in Bejing Pick your cruise ship for Bloody Mary’s or Bloody Diarrhea Kamala Harris picks Carlo Rossi as 2028...
Odds and Ends
Odds and EndsBy Bobby Burrito La Douche’ Netflix Documentary: I highly recommend the Netflix documentary “The Poop Cruise.” Its 50 some minutes of feces and urine in a floating Carnival Petrie dish.If you have been on a cruise and thought the food was crap, try this...
La Douche’ Comes Alive
La Douche’ Comes Alive Before we get too far let’s start with an amusing little story. Across the street from my son’s house there lives a young lady who has befriended a squirrel, flaming yellow teeth and all. She has named him Artie. She lets him climb all over her,...
La Douche’ Sends Santa a Letter
Dear Santa, I haven’t written in quite awhile due to my fear of retribution. This year I hit the jackpot by turning 70 and since that’s only 45 feet away from being called out at home what could possibly happen by sending you this Christmas 2024 letter. I drafted my...
Letters to the Editor
Oftentimes I get letters from my readers who have a multitude of concerns and questions about things that bother them. Most of these letters are so boring and simple that it takes every ounce of energy I have to read them. I recently received the letter below that I...
Everything Reeks
By Archduke Bobby Berkhalter La Douche’ “I will now proceed to entangle the entire area” David Crosby Pride Month This is a special time of year. I feel light on my feet and full of whimsy. What a grand time to celebrate anal sex and monkey pox. Did you know that AIDS...
Christmas Letter 2023
Dear Friends, Family and Fans, Just when you think your life couldn’t get better you are proven wrong. Most people are mired down with rehab and inflation killing their dreams but not us. We have turned 2023 into our finest year ever. I spent most of the year going...
Letters to Bobby
Before we get to Letters to Bobby I must comment on this Thanksgiving’s bestest gift. Over the years we have sung the praises of family and friends and the good fortune that we may have. But 2023 is a very special year and not because the country is under the...
Dedicated to Bud and his 65 Corvette
Let’s start out with a couple of jokes. I did not write these and am not claiming so. They are still very funny and here they are. Rodney Dangerfield: I have bad luck. I put a kidney shaped pool in my back yard and it had a stone. McDoogle: There are 10 naked men...