Feel Better with CRAP
We are Crabby Retired American People (CRAP) bringing you writings that may provide you with information and observations that stimulate your little frog brain.
How-to & More
Learn how to make a good cocktail. Read a review about a movie or a new music release from someone you may like.
Movies, albums and other stuff will be graded on the time tested 1 CRAP pile to 5 CRAP piles.
Is it the end or the beginning………………?
Crap Magazine comes to you as an ending, the ending or near ending of 50 years of working, serving the wishes of others, being used, being enjoyed, being stressed, being the go to person, being the taxpayer that lets others never work, being the husband, being the dad, being the success, being the giver, being the right or wrong guy, being in love, being wrong, being a boss, being a son, being a brother, being an uncle, and being experienced in the joys and disappointments of dealing with humans.
Picture this as the food I ate through the years with CRAP Magazine as the toilet paper at the end of the alimentary canal.
I have assembled a mildly retarded (yup retarded) think tank to assist me in this endeavor. Burrhead is part of the dementia. He comes to me as a lifelong friend whom I respect and covet as a confidant. His brain was in a jar that said “Abby Normal”. Anybody who had a reel to reel tape deck in high school has to be part of this.
The third leg of the tripod is Derf Selrahc. A true entrepreneur in every sense. A well-known winemaker and winery owner. As the youngest, almost fetal member of this triangle he brings a bit of a stool softener to the Crabby Retired American People Magazine.
While there are three members with differing abilities and sensibilities I am in charge of this rag. I will answer to no one except my wife. We will comment or say whatever we want and am not very interested in whether you agree or not. I am detoxing from the fumes of 63 years of road kill.
Editor in Chief
Bobby La Douche’
Christmas Letter 2023
Dear Friends, Family and Fans, Just when you think your life couldn’t get better you are proven wrong. Most people are mired down with rehab and inflation killing their dreams but not us. We have turned 2023 into our finest year ever. I spent most of the year going...
Letters to Bobby
Before we get to Letters to Bobby I must comment on this Thanksgiving’s bestest gift. Over the years we have sung the praises of family and friends and the good fortune that we may have. But 2023 is a very special year and not because the country is under the...
Dedicated to Bud and his 65 Corvette
Let’s start out with a couple of jokes. I did not write these and am not claiming so. They are still very funny and here they are. Rodney Dangerfield: I have bad luck. I put a kidney shaped pool in my back yard and it had a stone. McDoogle: There are 10 naked men...
Where’s The Employee Breakroom?
By Bobbie W-2 La Douche’ The reason why the unemployment rate is at an all-time low is because we all have become employees during an insidious step-by-step indoctrination process. Regular company employees are so bad, evil, unfriendly, discourteous, or obviously on...
The Incredible Gladys
Mother’s Day 2023 We’ve been married for just about 47 years. And in all those years Gladys never put herself first at any time or anywhere. Our children, Ruby and Remington are the luckiest kids this side of the Ukraine. I am so thankful that she lets me be me. Only...
The Fun is a Comin’
Peg Bundy: “Hi honey, did you miss me”? Al Bundy: “With every bullet so far”. Whoops! Bud Lite goes after Huge Market in the transgender world. A genius VP of Budweiser, Alissa Heinerscheid, decided to market its Bud Lite to the LGBTQ+ market by utilizing some...
Your Future Looks Like Crap
Your Future Looks Like Crap By Bobby Lifeline La Douche’ As we start the 2023 year its apparent that something magical is happening. A magician is trained to take your eyes elsewhere while the trick happens. You get immersed in the trick and forget about the things...
A Family Christmas Story
By Bobby Syncope La Douche’ Many of the famous Christmas stories are fiction. A Christmas Carol, The Gift of the Maji, and things like A Christmas Story. Stories of conviction and sacrifice for the good of others. We watch them time and again because it is rich in...
Christmas 2022
The Good, the Bad and the Gay Dear A Listers, If you receive this Christmas letter, consider yourself in rare company. So far 2022 has been a crap pile. Have you had enough gay? Have you heard enough about puberty blockers? How about transgender? How about...
Letters to the Editor
Before we get started, I have a great joke that has an unknown author. I heard it from an unstable friend of mine (Stevo) and I laughed out loud.A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says” Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says “that’s...