Gadzooks
By Bobby Fever La Douche’
As we all go apeshit in captivity, I have waited for the proper time to make my observations about the current state of things.
In no order of importance.
Have you ever heard anyone say “I hope to end my years in a nursing home” or “When I have to, I’ll just go to a nursing home for care”? This is what I’ve heard since birth, “If I have to go to a nursing home just put a bullet in my head”. So, the media is fixated on the Coved 19 deaths in nursing homes now. I did some Jethro Bodine ciphering on this. There are 1.3 million poor bastards in nursing homes. 380,000 of these folks will die of an infection in a years’ time. That’s 29%. They die from urinary tract infections (really preventable), respiratory infections, GI infections, and the like. Is there an award for dying from COVID 19? If you throw in all the other causes of death such as falling and complications from surgery and failure to thrive you pretty much expect to die when you go to the nursing home within the year or so. I believe that you actually die from that smell. The smell of urine-soaked diapers, ammonia, and Lysol. I’m also sure that the staff that work so hard for so little didn’t wake up one day and say “Boy, I’d like to make a career out of cleaning crap off of people for $12 an hour”. This level of care and infections has been the standard of care for decades in nursing homes but now it’s an issue.
I’m going to let you in on a secret. People who require 24/7 care go to a nursing home because we cannot legally kill them and it’s impossible to manage their care alone. So, they go there to die. People will have a shit fit but dying from living in a nursing home is a sure bet.
Stimulus Checks:
Retired people like me shouldn’t get a stimulus check. I do not work. I do not have to be anywhere. Since being incarcerated I have spent less money each month to live. I’m currently in my bunker at The Villages in Florida. Probably 98% of owners here should not get a check. As an argument I suppose that we could spend the money to keep people working but that is short lived. We take the money because it’s “our” money” as many have said but it’s borrowed money. Another reason is the beat down in the stock market. It was also simpler for the IRS to qualify people for the stimulus based on adjusted gross income.
Another huge group of people who should not get a check are all the public employees who are on government pensions. Many of these people have retired in their fifties. They are already suckling the
government teat and don’t need the check. All the folks who lost their businesses or in danger of losing their businesses and all the hard-working people who prop up this country should be helped. We all depend on them. Nobody is currently
depending on me except as a consumer of alcohol. And I must say that I’m doing my part.
Hospitals
Over last couple of years hospitals and health care entities have been making lots of cash because the economy is bustling. Yet you don’t have the supplies that you need and are expecting the federal government to get them for you. During this long period of economic boom, you should have spent some money on the supplies you are
crying for now. You have to be aware that things like this happen and supplies are on you. Your strategic planning was shit. Your baseline stock pile is of course minimal so you can make more money even if you are a non-profit. Places like New York City should be ashamed of the lack of supplies. There are 72,000 people per square mile in
Manhattan and to call this city filthy would be a gross understatement. One third of the population is foreigners with millions and millions of visitors all year long. Mayor Buzzkill and Governor Gumbo need to rethink their medical systems needs for the future. You don’t snap your fingers and get supplies to appear. Maybe Trump will crap you a pile of
gloves and gowns.
Airlines
Except for Southwest Airlines, I say a hardy blow me to the rest. You sob’s just gouged customers with high fares and ridiculous fees for baggage and whatever you could pull off while the economy was cooking. But the absolute worst thing while your fees and prices were stuck deep into the customers anus was your customer service. Most of you employees of the airlines get an F and if I had the power, I would shove the stimulus check up your fuselage. Your total lack of care and Hitler type arrogance was annotated with many millions of customers. As you claw your way back to more flights you will have to rethink what you offer the guy who is stuck in his tiny seat, being treated like a criminal, and over charged. A special kiss to the Delta agent who was an absolute asshole to us when my wife and I were going on my retirement celebration vacation. I hope you are enjoying your furlough. In summation, Dennis Miller said it the best. “Commercial airline travel is more shit than shit is”.
TSA
A heartfelt apology for your lot in life as a TSA agent. You demonstrate your disappointment to the travelers every day. You must all take a test to ensure that you are intolerant and militant. In my very modest experience, I find the Orlando TSA employees to be especially irritating. Thumbs up for all the rudeness. Enjoy your furlough and use your
stimulus check for anger management training.
Kardashians
I was watching tv the other day and they stated that Kim Kardashian had 167 million followers on Instagram or Twitter. These 167 million are the same folk who would inject Lysol. Time for a priority check you monkeys.
Travel Plans?
Here are places that I suspect the Kardashian followers would like to go to when they are able to go: 1) New York City 2) Wuhan, China 3) Cruises 4) Italy 5) Somalia 6) Nigeria 7) Spain and 8) France. Why wait for the go ahead? Please go now.
Surprising Gifts
We are all finding a gross amount of time to watch TV. Gladys and I were late to the party but we watched all six seasons of Schitt’s Creek in about a weeks’ time. What a jewel it is. Characters were well crafted and a perfect fit for each other. Daniel Levy was the bomb as David the son and as main writer of the show. He had impeccable timing as an actor and comedian. His mannerisms were a riot and he has his father’s (Eugene Levy) eyebrows. Annie Murphy played Alexis the daughter who was both a ditz and a shining star. Catherine O’Hara
who has played alongside Eugene Levy in the Christopher Guest movies like Best in Show and A Mighty Wind plays the wife of husband Eugene Levy’s character Johnny Rose and a washed-up soap opera star. She is always in character and while self-centered she can be charitable. All the other characters were excellent. Being about 25 minutes long for each episode it didn’t linger any one place too long. Unlike the many other series which live in minutia every episode, this show moves along with comic timing and genius. Here’s the scenario. The Rose family was extremely wealthy until they were robbed by their business manager and ended up broke. It takes off from there. All in the Family has nothing on this family. Perhaps the best TV show I’ve ever watched.
Sad to Report
Being an advocate of personal wealth, I am sad to report that Vanna White, large breasted letter exposer on TV’s Wheel of Fortune show makes $10 million dollars a year. Pat Sajak makes $15 million. They work two days every other week to record 6 shows per day. Based on a 40-hour work month Vanna makes $20,833 per hour. Pat makes $31,250 per hour. Pat makes more because he is of European white male privilege. Vanna gets the shaft because she’s a woman living
below the glass ceiling. I don’t begrudge them for what they get. I do wonder whether Vanna would think she led an accomplished life on her death bed. Obviously, Pat does because he’s a man and deserves great respect for his abilities as a game show host and wanna be comic.
Finally
As we start to open the various states from this Chinese virus, we have all become victims of habit as it relates to social separation, wipe downs and facial masks. We are giving people the stink eye who don’t follow the “rules” of engagement. Here’s the heart of the matter: The government cannot guarantee your safe passage through this disease
riddled world. Because of months of non-stop hysterical press, we are different now and people want this guarantee, but you’re going to have to pick your battles. Each combatant will go into the unknown based on their own tolerance. Each year 39,000 people die in car accidents. Should we all stop driving? And as always, we can default to blaming Trump.
Good luck out there!
China is still a shithole.
Bobby Fever La Douche’