Dear People I Know,
I would like to start by discrediting all stories related to my reported groping, fondling, touching, kissing, and making suggestive comments to any piles of $100 bills which may or may not have been within my view. I have always respected and fully supported $100 bills and have never degraded them by having them lay next to any $20 bills or lower that were in my wallet. I will continue to hold each bill equally and never switch an old, ugly, tattered, forgotten $100 bill for a new, tight, colorful, $100. Each bill can provide me with equal happiness and therefore any and all reports of poor behavior or unequal treatment are unfounded and I will not resign my position in light of these blatant fabrications by the liberals who are intimidated by money but who always ask for it.
Now on with the show. Made our health insurance deductible by January 23, 2017. Kris and I bought a house in The Villages in March and we never get tired of hearing it is the STD capital of the world and the always popular “how can you stand being with old people”. Another favorite is I like the change of seasons or I love snow. As always, it’s nice for people to be so caring as to worry about our well being and point out the folly of our ways. If you have any other advice please call, text or e-mail us. We look forward to learning.
We have yet to put out the Christmas lights as I don’t want to offend any non-Christian who may by any circumstance see said decorations and become further disenfranchised with this terrible country known as The United States of America.
Our children abandoned us for Thanksgiving this year. One group went to Las Vegas and the other to the in-laws. The best Thanksgiving ever. Kris did miss the days of preparation and the hours of clean up. She did weep while we ate our prime rib that night. It was so good I wept as well. Later on, however, I felt guilty that I had food when so many were spending their food money at the casino.
We are looking forward to Christmas to enjoy visiting all of our friends at our house. I sure hope they don’t mind driving all the way over here.
In the new year we are going to work on our tans and syphilis at The Villages.
Please take a moment to honor the fallen in 2017: Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Harvey Weinstein, John Lasseter, Al Francken and the very handsome Garrison Keillor (proof of alien life).
Bobby LaDouche’
