By Archduke Bobby Berkhalter La Douche’
“I will now proceed to entangle the entire area” David Crosby
Pride Month
This is a special time of year. I feel light on my feet and full of whimsy. What a grand time to celebrate anal sex and monkey pox. Did you know that AIDS medicine can keep you undetectable on a lab test? Pride is certainly the word I would use. I am especially proud when I see a black dude nibbling on the neck of his lover during an add for AIDS medicine.
Israel
Crapmagazine.com fully supports Israel right to eradicate Hamas and the other terrorist organizations that only lives to wipe Israel off the earth. Senior Hamas monkeys condone the use of civilians as shields and people are protesting against Israel? After October 7 th ’s massacre, which many esteemed college professors simply pass over, the gloves are off and with any luck the college protesters will not get their student loans paid for by Senile Grandpa Joe. We still need a steady supply of doctors and jewelers.
Trump vs Biden
Is this some king of Karmic rejection? A debate of pure comic relief is coming. Oh my God. This will fill everybody with pride. Ahhhhhh happens during pride month, nice. So, this is what we got. Senile Great Grandpa Joe and the orange man. Essentially you are voting for Chlamydia Harris a person who doesn’t know there is a North and South Korea, or Donald who may or may not be going to jail and is so smart he calls Milwaukee, the city holding the RNC, horrible. The realty for me is that I have to vote for orange man because my kids and my grandkids should have the right, by using their talents and smarts, to succeed and go as far as they can go and not be reduced to socialism and mediocrity and supporting every loser in this country.
Taylor Swift and Her Private Jet
I must first mention that crapmagazine.com is a firm believer in the use of private jets. The greenies out there are complaining about her use of a private jet as it burns fuel which of course puts carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. If you think that little jet is changing the world then consider the largest private jet, Air Force 1 as it carts great grandpa to Ireland, Delaware, and the US Virgin Islands for vacations and weekends regularly. I hear no complaining from youlosers about that and you are double talking now. What do you think would happen at the local airport gates had to deal with the comings and goings of Miss Swift? It would stop travel throughout the world for hours every day. Pick the battles that make sense. While you choose for her to use standard air travel, I choose for you to end your own life as you produce carbon dioxide and methane 24 hours a day and you would be helping the planet out immensely in more ways than one. If you and your cult friends all killed themselves, just think of the fame you could achieve by saving the planet. You do have a purpose, so reach for the stars. Crapmagazine.com encourages Miss Swift to keep on flying
in a manner she is accustomed to and keep the world’s economy afloat. You ugly untalented people can fly coach.
The Border
Two words at a time: Close it. Mine it. Burn it.
Electric Vehicles
My friend JimBob and I got paired up with a nice couple from Calgary at the golf course the other day. We both got there in our gasoline golf carts. We started to discuss electric vehicles and Mr. Brad from Calgary told us an interesting story. He said that just before he came to Florida it was 40 below zero one night and the local government told people not to charge their EV’s as it would shut down the grid. Since electric vehicles lose about 50% of their capacity in the cold weather and take twice as long to charge it would seem foolish to invest in an electric car or truck in Calgary. No amount of government bullshit will change this fact. Pay more and get less. Ford has lost $100,000 per EV built. Sounds like a very fit business plan. Once there are more than 8 recharge stands in the US perhaps it could get traction.
Syphilis on the rise
I heard on the radio that Medical Officials are seeing an increase in syphilis in the US but don’t understand why. I’m not a medical official but I think I know why.
Jimmy Carter
Citizens still footing the bill for Jimmy in hospice care in his home for over a year. Probably 10 staff nurses in there 24/7. When he was president, we paid a heavy price and we still continue to do so for major incompetence. I hope he is aware that he no longer is the worst president ever as Biden has shuffled past him in a blast to the finish line known as the Biden backslide.
Burger Kings Whopper Update
Crapmagazine.com has found that the best Whopper ever tasted was made at the Burger King Retaurant in Sparks, Georgia right next to HWY 75. This happened sometime in 2022. Mr. La Douche’ and his bride Gladys were the proud diners and took the time to tell the manager their report on the flame broiled beauties. “You don’t have to always be complaining,” said Bobby.
Fisker and Rivian EV’s
Billions of dollars were invested in Fisker and Rivian Electric Vehicle operations in the past few years. Fisker just declared bankruptcy and Rivian’s cash supply went from 11.5 billion dollars to 5.8 billion dollars in one year. Rivian is going down the crapper as quick as Bidens cognitive abilities. Warranties are worthless. Why would people invest billions in a start up from scratch EV maker? There is no infrastructure and no market to even speak of. GM and Ford went balls in because the government will always bail them out and their talents are weak at best. I’m pretty sure Warren Buffet doesn’t own a single share of this crap.
Ozone Layer
Did the ozone layer heal itself? Not cool to discuss anymore? Did Johnson and Johnson build a very large bandage to cover the boo boo? Maybe if they left the hole in the ozone layer, the extra carbon dioxide would’ve leaked out. Problem solved. Haven’t heard jack poop about it for years. Need an update folks.
Transgender Anecdote
The current rage in liberal thinking is to help youngsters start the process of becoming their dream gender by counseling them at school without parental input. These children with raging hormones and no emotional maturity are guided into something they have no ability to really understand. So, the various powers in charge give them reading materials and counselors to see to help them on their quest to what may be a gigantic irreversible mistake. Where am I going you say? When my brother was very young, he told people he wanted to be a whale when he grew up. If this happened today the next thing you know he would have had a blow hole and need to be set free in the ocean. Let’s turn down the gas. Nobody under 18 should be subjected to any of this. Crapmagazine.com firmly supports holding onto your genitals until at least 18 years of age.
Bless you all!
Bobby Berkhalter La Douche’
Archduke of Crapville