Advice from Bobby Crème’ La Douche’
uncredentialed, circumcised life coach
Dear Bobby,
I have read your column on occasion and find your advice disturbing and hopeless. I was thinking that you should try and be more positive and modern with your advice. You are responsible for shaping the thoughts and actions of your several readers. You show signs of intolerance and being a right winger. The country is changing and you are stagnant. I implore you to realize your impact and help effect a more loving atmosphere in which we can all blend into the golden bronze tone of Beyoncé’.
Just trying to help.
Giles Julianna Hornibrook
President
LGBTQ Section Chief
San Francisco, CA
Dear Giles,
I have done some soul searching after reading your e-mail. I am truly blessed to have people like you willing to guide me when I have gone astray. With that in mind I can fairly review your claims and respond to them. So here goes. First, anybody named Giles must be a real pussy. No wonder you are the Section Chief of rainbow central. As an American I have the right of free speech not just when the topic suits you. You Mr. Hornibrook are the intolerant one. You criticize my advice because it isn’t lollipops and cotton candy. It’s people like you that thinks kids being able to look up “rusty trombone” on Google is a learning experience for understanding and tolerance. By the way look it up on Google and see what your kids can find. I have a feeling that Mr. Giles already knows what it means. I am sure he can join a horn section in the band of his choice. You say the country is changing. Is that your way of saying it’s more diverse? Bravo you dick.
I have a simple train of thought. Respect your promises and keep them. Like what you like and don’t let anyone tell you what to like. Be tolerant but that doesn’t mean that you have to kiss everyone’s ass. Help someone who deserves it. Be generous to your family and friends. After making an initial judgement leave some room for an appeal. It happens to be election day today and you can laugh at the folly of it all. Laughing is good for you. Lastly, if you can unclench your sphincter for a few minutes a day, let’s call it Bobby Yoga, you will feel better, but mostly look better.
E Pluribus Funk
- Crème’ La Douche