The Good, the Bad and the Gay
Dear A Listers,
If you receive this Christmas letter, consider yourself in rare company. So far 2022 has been a crap pile. Have you had enough gay? Have you heard enough about puberty blockers? How about transgender? How about marginalized people? Are there enough black people on commercials? Who did Marlo Thomas ‘plastic surgery and do they have a license? Are you non-binary? How many tears have you cried for Brittany Giner? How much money can Biden spend? What’s all this shit about electric cars. Why is Hunter Biden off limits in the left media. Why isn’t the GOP crashing down on Trump? Who are you, I really want to know?
Gladys and I made the most of the Biden inflation increases this year by buying frugally. We have stopped buying the Russian caviar due to the situation in the Ukraine. Gone is the Kobe beef. Gone is the champagne from the Titanic. Gone is the Glenfiddich 1937 Rare Collection Scotch. I stopped the plans for an additional pool for the groundskeepers. They will have to use the pond. I laid off the third-floor house cleaner and put my auto detailer in a part time situation. I changed my whale status in Las Vegas from Blue whale to Humpback whale. I ghosted American Express and gas lighted my own family. You didn’t think I could get both those cool words in one sentence, did you? We are, however, looking forward to being with our family for Christmas. My son Roberto is working with the Egyptian Historical Society to have the Rosetta Stone returned to Egypt from the British Museum. Roberto became an expert in hieroglyphics during his stint as an agent with MI6 stationed in Cairo. After saving Prince Charles from shitting in his pants at a royal function he was knighted Sir Roberto La Douche’ of Craptavia. Although being born with only one testicle he certainly didn’t let that stop him becoming the magnificent binary person he is. We love you Roberto and we don’t care that your flamboyant attaché sleeps in your bed along with Cuddles the one-legged dog with a colostomy bag that you got at the rescue. God bless you and your healing from the Monkey Pox. Our lovely daughter, Rupena, will be private jetting to be with us for Christmas. She is on hiatus from her reality show “What’s Wrong with Her” which films at the little yellow bus station in Feeble Junction, Mexico. The show revolves around screaming at disabled children with no result. She recently attended The Peoples Choice Awards Show as a seat filler. And people say there are no worthwhile jobs with a degree in Theatre Hygiene. Rupena, like Roberto, are not suckling from the family or government teat as I’m sure most of you are experiencing with your own children. It took quite awhile to forgive Rupena for having a baby while she was married, but she gave us our only grandchild. His name was Jimmy but now it’s Toonces and he will be 16 this month. He has a very large head like his father. In fact, his father is said to have a moon orbiting his head. He is an influencer at his high school and also thinks he’s a cat. He dresses in fur and has a tail. He even influenced the school district to put litter boxes in the bathrooms to accommodate himself and the other furrys so they can effectively rid their body of waste in an appropriate feline manner. A born leader he looks forward to his neutering so he can project his sense of responsibility. While the family accepts his unique brand of enlightenment, we don’t like all the cat hair on everything. Incidentally, Toonces will be doing a Friskies commercial this year. Look for it.
Gladys had a tough year with a plethora of surgeries and dental emergencies. Most people would be so exhausted but her ability to brow beat me at every turn was a credit to her stamina. As a result of the constant high pitched verbal barrage, I am losing my hearing. After seeing the audiologist, she said I had a terrible case of convenient hearing. I was puzzled but didn’t want to appear ignorant. Isn’t hearing loss an inconvenience? Maybe it’s the new pc gay talk.
Best gift for 2022.
The newly remastered Beatles Revolver album. Released October 28th, 2022
Goals for 2023.
Ramp up the drinking
Blessed is he who gets it rammed up his keister and turns the other cheek.
St Bobby La Douche’ in his letter to the Celibates