Covid Shots: People are waiting for all you geniuses to get your Covid shot(s). Most of the considerate dumb conservative senior citizens you love to hate have gotten their injections and should be free to roam about but they have to wear a mask because there are so many asswipes out there that refuse to get the shot for all the wrong reasons. White man’s poison for the blacks? Christ are you stupid. Can’t get to Walgreens? Bullshit! Plot to get everyone under control of Donald Trump? Gadzooks. When I was in the Navy, they taught all classes at the fifth-grade level. That was 1974. In 2021 the intellect of American citizens is probably near imbecile. Although todays liberals have the dexterity to make their phones whistle at the speed of light, they cannot make change for a dollar nor read an analog clock. It’s quite simple really. No play no pay. Die or not die. Sick, sicker, sickest or croak. I really don’t care if your blatant stupidity kills you. Let the rest of us be free. Free to breath unrecycled air without guilt. Freedom to select my adult diaper without fogging my glasses.
The Biden Green Machine: Here’s some facts for you. It takes 6 times more minerals to build an electric car than a gas-powered car. All the metals required to build car batteries and solar equipment will require 4900% more mining than what is currently being done. Where are all the old batteries going to be buried? What’s going to happen when 269 million vehicles plug in for the night? Who will have the brass balls to speak up for nuclear power in this gay nation state? Why are taxpayers helping pay for new electric cars with a huge tax credit for the buyers?
Carvana: La Douche’ generally sees things through feces schmeered bifocals. But I call them as they are. I had a 2016 Mustang convertible to sell. Basically, the car was near perfect. 25K miles. I really don’t want to deal with a large cross section of nipples to sell my car. I dial in Carvana on my laptop and I feed simple answers to the Carvana home page about my car. In about 30 seconds they make a very good offer to buy my Mustang. Essentially, they ask you not to lie about the car and it must not have a dead battery nor flat tire or tires. I looked up the trade in value on Kelly Blue Book and the offer was very generous. Having worked at a car dealership for a bit the regular dealers like to make a 5 or 6 K smash with your car. Apparently Carvana has cut back on that margin quite a bit. I take pictures of my driver’s license and title and upload them to Carvana. Two days later they ask where they can pick up the car and pay me. I just knew some mystical fee or bullshit would pop up. Alas, I was wrong. A young lady calls me the day before pick up at my home (The estate at Boca Del Vista next to Morty Seinfeld) and asks me a couple of questions. Dead battery? No. Flat tire? No. I’ll be there at 10 am with your check. At 9:55 am the Carvana lady is here. I sign 4 pieces of paper and she hands me a check. I
give her the keys and she tells me the car will be picked up the next morning. She places Carvana stickers on the car and we are done. 10:10 am. No muss, no diarrhea, no Xanax, no lies. Crapmagazine.com gives Carvana 5 stars out of 5.
Major League Baseball: You guys are seriously some pompous assholes. Move the All-Star game to North Korea because nobody cares about your political statements. After the NFL dropped feces on their fans last season you decide to get in a crapping match with them. Millions of people stopped watching the NFL and regardless of the blame put on the pandemic the NFL knows what’s really happening. Less viewers, less revenue from adds. Salary cap drops. Now you idiots are going to lose more fans as well. La Douche’ says bite me and with that I will not watch a single MBL game this year. Here’s a free tip to Major League Baseball: Make the games longer.
Ron DeSantis: The governor of Florida has got his act together. At some point he will be president.
TV: According to tv commercials everybody in America is either black or half black.
Burger King: If anything would keep a person from going to Burger King it would be their mascot. The plastic headed slasher king. One of the worst since Mr. Whipple.
Soccer: It in a quest to find out what sport is the most boring after croquet the staff at crapmagazine.com selected soccer as the most boring game to watch. The staff also concluded that a 0-0 game is especially challenging to tolerate and that soccer players are the best actors in the world. The SUV with the soccer ball decals and stick people on the window are annoying as well. Your kid is not going to the Olympics.
TV: I was doing a solid for my wife Gladys and watching the tv show This Is Us with her. One hour of solid human turmoil and disappointment. I couldn’t wait for the commercials to run. In all of the tv spectrum there is only one show that is worse than this one and that’s The View.
The Academy Awards: No other group in the world holds their “craft” in higher esteem then this bunch of former waiters and bus boys. Here’s a question. Since all the women and men in this field call themselves actors, why is there a Best Actress category and Best Supporting Actress category at the Academy Awards? If ever I need guidance in my life, I know I can turn to Tom Cruise or Whoopi Goldberg to find the correct path. Thank God for you all! But the way if you were stranded on an island with a group of people would you want the other folks to be doctors or actors?
Leave it to Beaver: This show has run continuously since its start on October 4, 1957. A side note: Ward Cleaver was a Seabee and so was I. Coincidence? I think not.
The Brady Bunch: That show was pure crap. The mom was banging the oldest son and the Mr. was banging men. Sad really.
I am going to end this list of crap with this final blow. It seems that math has been labeled a white man’s subject by liberals and therefore should go away in our cool modern society. The study of logic to go away? The entire world functions on math and physics. Are these people saying that people of color are not bright enough to learn math? Are they saying that white anything is bad? I believe that these liberals who promote these ideas are racist and wish to continue to lower the bar of education for our kids. I’m sorry to tell you this but European white men built America. Deal with it.
Immortal Words to Live By: No good deed goes unpunished.
Dedicated to my good friend Ann who passed recently. She was truly a kind and giving person. I will miss her.
Best of Luck in the Future,
Archduke Bobby La Douche’