By Bobby Keto La Douche’
Gladys and I started a diet on Monday. They say stupidity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. This is what dieting is. It is the quintessential pain in the ass of all modern times. I’m spit balling here but I think it is easier to kick heroin, than to lose weight and stay there. There is proof all over the place. Look at all the celebrities who have gone on commercials and have lost wait and then they vanish and come back larger than ever. Charles Barkley, Oprah Winfrey, Valerie Bertinelli, Terry Bradshaw and many more. Many of these folks have trainers and private chefs and they still fail. Remember the tv show Biggest Loser? That was a profound loser as most of those people who worked out 12 hours a day and starved themselves are back to being enormous when they went back home and didn’t have the time for all that stupid shit. Even if you had the time how could you stand your life revolving around a treadmill and a Peloton. The people who can are obsessed and now have another mental issue to deal with.
Here are some questions I need an answer to. When the Adkins diet came out in the 70’s he was written off as a nut. What? Meat, eggs, fat and buttered vegetables and you lose weight and lower your cholesterol. The medical community called it nonsense. The cardiologists had a fit. However, in the meantime as we were all groomed to eat low fat, low taste, sawdust fiber, and everything with complex carbohydrates. We all got fatter and fatter. Total crap. Animal fat does not cause heart disease and the docs know it but fail to discuss it. We now have changed the name from Dr. Adkins to Dr Keto and the Keto movement thrives. Count and count your carbs and you will have success. Right now, that’s true I assume. Here’s the issue. You can have your 32-ounce filet for a few weeks and then you would trade it for a slice of French bread and a pad of butter and include $1000 to get the deal done. I am glad that nobody around when Jesus was making bread multiply knew about carbs. There would have been a lot of bodies strewn over the countryside. The result has been to lower carb (sugar) intake, eat good fats (by the way butter is way better for you than fake butter), meat, vegetables and fruit. I think you will find this exact thing on the nutrition diagrams of the late 1950’s and 60’s that were posted in all the schools. I ordered one of these posters on Amazon.
People of normal size are very impatient with the fat asses. Just eat less, go to the gym. Holly shit what a revelation. The real fact is most of these normal folk have never had any problems with weight. If they smoke then let’s discuss how easy that is to quit. You see the overweight person which counts for probably 85% of the US population have to do the trifecta. 1) Give up eating what you want. 2) Give up alcohol. 3) Exercise every waking second. It sounds like my dad’s routine when the japs had him in a prison camp for 42 months.
Why failure? Christ I can’t imagine why.
My guru of fat is billionaire Oprah. She has stated over and over again that you have to find the root causes of why you over eat, over drink, and stop exercising in order to succeed. Apparently, she hasn’t found out her root causes yet either. So, I can assume that all the high-priced psychologists and chefs cannot put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Bobby Keto La Douche is no expert but has some thoughts on the matter. My most successful campaign I ever fought against my weight was when the Phen-Phen pills were out. My desire or my feeling of being cheated went away and I experienced no irritation or commotion over my diet. I easily took off a lot of weight and with that it made my penis look larger (double bonus). Then it goes off the market. I believe the key component is brain chemistry alteration. No urges, no problems. Starvation, no booze, constant work outs is destined to fail as sure as my name is Bobby Keto La Douche’. Everything that humans enjoy has calories attached to it one way or another. I’m 67 and my energy or tolerance is shrinking which adds another caveat to this plan.
Once again staring defeat in the eye, we start the walk to the goal of weight loss and some kind of health adjustment. So far, I’m always hungry and pissed off. I am very desirous of a 10 oz glass of good scotch. I don’t like exercise because I have a painful surgerized lumbar spine, bone on bone knee issues and a general malaise about the usefulness of this whole process. Before you ramp up and tell me about chiropractors, dry needling, yoga, acupuncture, massages, water spa therapy and all the hemp related crap I will tell you it’s all BULLSHIT. It lasts about as long as it takes to get to your car from the “healers” office.
If I would end up losing this weight and feeling better, I will probably get runover by an ambulance the very next day. But on the bright side I wouldn’t be able to gain the weight back. Or I could have them saw my leg off just at the hip and eat and drink what I want.
The Glass Is Half Full.
Bobby Keto La Douche’