(“it didn’t cost me nuthin” says Bobby L)
June is LGBTQ month. The Wisconsin governor had the rainbow diversity flag hung up at the state capital to indicate the State of Wisconsin is inclusive. So first the American flag, then the Wisconsin State flag, then the rainbow flag. The American flag covers all Americans. The State of Wisconsin covers all state residents. The Rainbow Diversity Flag covers everybody but the straights. Say what? This group wants to be included but excludes the gross majority of people in this country and state. I Bobby La Douche’ propose that the following change in the acronym LGBTQ. Let’s make it PEOPLE so as to be inclusive of all us mean, divisive heterosexuals who make your lives a living hell. You don’t get to bogart the colors of the rainbow. No other group gets more airtime and inclusion than you. Just watch TV.
The Green Hotels: If you have been in a hotel room lately you have seen the GO GREEN signs around. This slippery cause promotes that you use the same towels and sheets for your entire stay to save the planet by using less water. What a crock of shit. However, no discount is offered to you if you do so. If I stay one night, I get fresh stuff and if I stay several nights I get to wallow in my own filth. Nothing like wiping yourself off after a shower with a used towel that has ass DNA all over it.
Speaking of Hotels: Got a great geezer idea for you Hiltons of the world. First, I do appreciate the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash you supply in the rooms. There is a major problem though in that when us bifocalers take our glasses off to take a shower we cannot read the microscopic printing on the little containers and we don’t know what the hell we are looking at. Many a time I have asked my wife to pop in the bathroom and look at the container to guide me in my selections. How about a big S for shampoo, a big C for conditioner, and a big W for body wash. Don’t people go to school for this shit.
Micro-Breweries: The country has fallen in love with micro-brews and is willing to pay up big to taste beer that has no tasting resemblance to actual beer. If I want grapefruit juice, I’ll order it. I don’t like berries in my beer, I don’t like coffee or bile in my beer either. There is a great desire to drink beer that has a huge amount of alcohol in it but tastes like crap. Got an idea. Order a brown or clear liquor beverage that does the job. First the wine snobs, then the fancy pants liquor snobs and now beer snobs. You’ll pay $12 for a bottle of Uncle Jack’s Ostomy Sqeezin’s but buy generic toilet paper. Hypocrite.
Abortion: Oh-Oh Bobby don’t go there. Got to. This subject should be almost out of date. They have this morning after pill. It is good for up to 5 days after your “mistake.” What else do you need. I’m sure the government would be happy to pay for it if you are also a remora fish on the society shark. This would pretty much take care of the rape and incest issue as well. If you use abortion as birth control than you are a special person. Just Google NURX and you are good to go.
Unprotected Sex: Some facts: 1 in 8 people (12.5%) 14-49 years old have genital herpes. Take a dive into that boiling mess. 820,00 cases of gonorrhea per year. 30,644 cases of syphilis per year. 2.86 million cases of chlamydia per year. 1.2 million people have AIDS in the US. If it doesn’t look good don’t eat it. Good luck!
D-Day: It was gut wrenching to see on June 6, 1944 date on all the American graves at the Normandy cemetery. 9,388 graves. It was the United States and its allies who liberated France from the Nazi’s. The French surrendered 6 weeks after the Germans invaded in 1940. Cheap Trick made a song about it.
Dominican Republic and Mexico Vacations ON SALE: Take advantage of great post poisoning sales to your favorite shithole. Bask in the sunshine as you vomit blood. Enjoy food that has never seen a refrigerator. Watch drug cartels duke it out in your resorts parking lot. Get free cocktails on your charter flight made with windshield washer fluid to get you in the mood.
Kidnapping insurance available.
Tally Ho Vacations, Inc.
Giving a shit so you don’t have to.
Bobby La Douche’
If you are looking for your European relatives’ paintings and items of high value check with the Pope and see if you can look around the Vatican. It was used as collateral for certain Nazi’s being hidden in South America.