Feel Better with CRAP
We are Crabby Retired American People (CRAP) bringing you writings that may provide you with information and observations that stimulate your little frog brain.
How-to & More
Learn how to make a good cocktail. Read a review about a movie or a new music release from someone you may like.
Movies, albums and other stuff will be graded on the time tested 1 CRAP pile to 5 CRAP piles.
Is it the end or the beginning………………?
Crap Magazine comes to you as an ending, the ending or near ending of 50 years of working, serving the wishes of others, being used, being enjoyed, being stressed, being the go to person, being the taxpayer that lets others never work, being the husband, being the dad, being the success, being the giver, being the right or wrong guy, being in love, being wrong, being a boss, being a son, being a brother, being an uncle, and being experienced in the joys and disappointments of dealing with humans.
Picture this as the food I ate through the years with CRAP Magazine as the toilet paper at the end of the alimentary canal.
I have assembled a mildly retarded (yup retarded) think tank to assist me in this endeavor. Burrhead is part of the dementia. He comes to me as a lifelong friend whom I respect and covet as a confidant. His brain was in a jar that said “Abby Normal”. Anybody who had a reel to reel tape deck in high school has to be part of this.
The third leg of the tripod is Derf Selrahc. A true entrepreneur in every sense. A well-known winemaker and winery owner. As the youngest, almost fetal member of this triangle he brings a bit of a stool softener to the Crabby Retired American People Magazine.
While there are three members with differing abilities and sensibilities I am in charge of this rag. I will answer to no one except my wife. We will comment or say whatever we want and am not very interested in whether you agree or not. I am detoxing from the fumes of 63 years of road kill.
Editor in Chief
Bobby La Douche’
The Angel Who Came and Decided to Stay
By Bobby Gabriel La Douche’ The first thing to tell you is that Gladys and I believe in angels. There was always something enchanting about that belief and all the wonderful stories we have heard about angels helping people in dire need. 15 years ago, this...
Christmas 2021|The year of the never-ending enema
By Bobby Bethlehem La Douche’ Just when you think its clear another pellet drops out. Omicron variant is way cooler to say than Delta variant. Sounds like Star Wars. I get first choice naming the third variant. It will be called the Chateaubriand variant. Isn’t...
Current Affairs
Current Affairs By Bobby Wilhelm La Douche’ Wanted: Dedicated Diaper Changer. Position requires a top-secret clearance as you will be changing the diaper of the President of the United States and cleaning his buttocks. Advanced competency in managing diaper rash a...
The Not to Do List
The Not to Do List By Bobby Pitfall La Douche’ As we age there are experiences that help us navigate better outcomes in the future. We are literally a pile of bad decisions and a ball of tissue with legs and arms (hopefully) and a brain no matter how primitive it...
Astrologer to the Stars
Mystic La Douche’ Astrologer to the Stars Now offering help to the little people like you AriesMarch 21-April 19Make sure to take a change of clothes with you today. You are going to crap in your pants. It will happen at the worst possible time and the...
Crapmagazines Advice Corner
Crapmagazines Advice Corner I recently received a letter from a reader who is asking for my help and guidance during a trying time for them. (We’ll get to the them part soon enough) Below is the letter as received. Dear Mr. La Douche’, Many people are celebrating...
La Douche’ Crushes Covid and Other Crap
Covid Shots: People are waiting for all you geniuses to get your Covid shot(s). Most of the considerate dumb conservative senior citizens you love to hate have gotten their injections and should be free to roam about but they have to wear a mask because there are so...
La Douche’ Projectile Vomits
La Douche’ Projectile Vomits By Bobby Emesis La Douche’ Me First: The Gay or Left Tide has hit the country. I have decided to put my hand out like the rest of these dullards. 1) Where is my Goddamn stimulus money? I don’t care if I need it or not. 2) I...
The Quest for Relief on Back Pain Island
The Quest for Relief on Back Pain Island By Bobby Lumbago La Douche’ This here story is a tale of defeat and triumph and not necessarily in that order. It captures the essence of my quest to find relief from life restricting back pain that I fondly like to call Back...
Pooh Pooh Pee Pee Face
Pooh Pooh Pee Pee FaceChristmas Letter 2020 by Bobby Noel La Douche’ You are probably wondering if I had a stroke when I named this letter but there is history to be understood. In the early ’80s when Gladys and I used to walk around the block countless times every...