Feel Better with CRAP
We are Crabby Retired American People (CRAP) bringing you writings that may provide you with information and observations that stimulate your little frog brain.
How-to & More
Learn how to make a good cocktail. Read a review about a movie or a new music release from someone you may like.
Movies, albums and other stuff will be graded on the time tested 1 CRAP pile to 5 CRAP piles.
Is it the end or the beginning………………?
Crap Magazine comes to you as an ending, the ending or near ending of 50 years of working, serving the wishes of others, being used, being enjoyed, being stressed, being the go to person, being the taxpayer that lets others never work, being the husband, being the dad, being the success, being the giver, being the right or wrong guy, being in love, being wrong, being a boss, being a son, being a brother, being an uncle, and being experienced in the joys and disappointments of dealing with humans.
Picture this as the food I ate through the years with CRAP Magazine as the toilet paper at the end of the alimentary canal.
I have assembled a mildly retarded (yup retarded) think tank to assist me in this endeavor. Burrhead is part of the dementia. He comes to me as a lifelong friend whom I respect and covet as a confidant. His brain was in a jar that said “Abby Normal”. Anybody who had a reel to reel tape deck in high school has to be part of this.
The third leg of the tripod is Derf Selrahc. A true entrepreneur in every sense. A well-known winemaker and winery owner. As the youngest, almost fetal member of this triangle he brings a bit of a stool softener to the Crabby Retired American People Magazine.
While there are three members with differing abilities and sensibilities I am in charge of this rag. I will answer to no one except my wife. We will comment or say whatever we want and am not very interested in whether you agree or not. I am detoxing from the fumes of 63 years of road kill.
Editor in Chief
Bobby La Douche’
La Douche’ and The Retirement Enema
La Douche’ and The Retirement Enema By: Bobby Out of the Office La Douche’ February 28th, 2019 was my last day of work. I decided that my colon was just plain full and it needed to rest. I had a turd in every pocket. My employer was very generous and...
crapmagazine.com News Blurbs for Today
crapmagazine.com News Blurbs for Today selected by Bobby Nose La Douche’ Seven-Year-Old Sentenced to Death Billy Johnston, a very white, very privileged, 7-year-old son of a plumber was sentenced to death after his trial for a hate crime committed...
Wine Pairing for the Budget Friendly Sausage Consumer
Wine Pairing for the Budget Friendly Sausage Consumer By Derf Selrahc We are just weeks away from the first anniversary of my first contribution to Crap Magazine. Editor La Douche' has been riding my ass for another fun filled, factual laden and educational...
Helpful Advice from Bobby Sure Bet La Douche’
(uncredentialed life coach, just an observer of stupid) Dear Mr. La Douche’ I write to spread the word about the very large club that I belong to. Several years ago, I made a conscious decision to buy a Toyota Prius in an effort to save this here earth we all...
2018 Christmas Letter
Bobby Kringle La Douche’ Lordy, Lordy, Lordy…………………. too much Steve Harvey. He is not an English professor by the way. I was reluctant to write a letter this year but as letters came in that resembled the blubbering drivel on ShitBook I felt that my readers need to...
Let’s Find the E-Coli in your Hotel Room
By Bobby Diarrhea La Douche’ (Travel Expert)As we travel during this holiday season many of us will be staying in hotel rooms all over the place. After the holidays many of you real hard cores will be going to Mexico to romp around with antibiotics,...
A Reflection on Thanksgiving 2018
By Bobby Wishbone La Douche’This years Thanksgiving Day was the earliest date in the month that it can ever be. November 22nd. Over the last few years we have had variable changes with our guests. Last year our son and daughter in law upped and went to...
Media Mogul Bobby La Douche’ Arrested!!!! PETA claims La Douche’ has threatened extinction of precious animal!! “La Douche’ is a murderer” says vegan
Story by Lester Crocke-Ofschitz Self-described genius, owner of crapmagazine.com, and media mogul Bobby La Douche’ was arrested by authorities Monday at his estate.If it weren’t for the diligent work of garbage man Erastus Thomas this story would have...
Advice from Bobby Crème’ La Douche’
Advice from Bobby Crème’ La Douche’ uncredentialed, circumcised life coach Dear Bobby, I have read your column on occasion and find your advice disturbing and hopeless. I was thinking that you should try and be more positive and modern with your advice. You...
HOLY CRAP! WHAT A DAY!
HOLY CRAP! WHAT A DAY! BY: Bobby Instant Karma La Douche’ At this point in my life my capacity to really see what is wonderful around me is diminished by tired eyes and the glass being half empty and coated with feces. So today is Tuesday, September 11,...