Wine Pairing for the Budget Friendly Sausage Consumer
By Derf Selrahc
We are just weeks away from the first anniversary of my first contribution to Crap Magazine. Editor La Douche’ has been riding my ass for another fun filled, factual laden and educational disquisition. (I looked that word up just for this). So here we go.
People in my inner circle believe that I know stuff about wine. Well they are correct. I do. I like all alcohol. So yeah, there IS that in addition to the fact that I normally have 5000 bottles of wine laying around on any given day. This brings me to the fact that many people ask me about wine and food pairings with their dinner menus….
I like to tell people that the rule of thumb is to pair red wine with red meats and to pair white wine with white meats or fish. But consider the following: What happens when you get into the gray area food items? Actually, only gray if they have been sitting around too long, normally they are more pinkish, or if smoked, dark red/brown. We are talking about the world of sausages. Now those of you from Milwaukee (I did some time there) or Chicago are saying to yourselves, “This cat is crazy… duhhhhh…. BEER and sausage!” Well yes, that’s always a safe bet pairing and I certainly AM a fan of that classic combo, but please allow just a few more minutes of your time before you clock me out as an ass. (My wife called me that yesterday so it is most definitely an incorrect characterization).
We could go on for days about sausages as there are many, but for now we will explore the least sophisticated of the sausage meat items which happens to be your basic bologna. A very versatile meat item that comes in all different sizes including your classic ring bologna, your sliced for a sandwich bologna (which is awesome fried and enjoyed on toast with mayo) and let’s not kid ourselves… isn’t a hot dog just bologna in a tubular form?
So, if you found yourself to be in the precarious situation where a wine pairing is needed for a bologna meal, where on earth do you turn? Bologna is really just ground up scrapes the butcher finds on his floor at the end of the day. Therefore, we could be consuming pork (the other white meat), beef (red meat), or for the calorie counting folks we could be dining on the turkey bologna (white meat). Added to this predicament is the issue of the color of the food item, bologna. It is not white nor is it red. It is actually pinkish beige which means it is right in the middle of the color palette when considering wine pairing options.
Well, luckily, I have the answer for all of you retired folk who are living on meager Social Security benefits (fixed income) thus requiring you to consume mass quantities of budget friendly bologna from your local butcher’s floor. Ready? The drum roll please….
Rose’ is the correct wine in the middle for the meat that is in the middle. Amazingly, the Rose’ market is hot right now and one can easily find a budget friendly Rose’ for any palate. The Rose’s versatility is endless as there are dry Rose’s, there are semi-sweet Rose’s and sweet Rose’s. The Rose’ is delectable crisp wine with subtle hints of both red and white fruits. There are also various colors of Rose’ wines. There is the Blushing Rose’ to pair with sausages that are a bit darker so you have yourself some color contrast. Then there are the darker Rose’ wines that would look amazing on your table with the ring bologna, mashed potato dinner. My wife makes an amazing “Bologna Surprise” meal that can utilize any color, shape, or flavor of your bologna meat items.
So yes, folks I am telling you the best beverage for fried bologna on toast with mayo is the Rose’, I enjoy the off dry variety which contains just the correct acidity and sweetness levels to cut through the fats of the bologna and will leave you feeling refreshed and ready for the next delectable bit.
The wine snobs probably never have nor ever will eat bologna. Why? Because they are just that. Snobs. Most of us can not relate to them and know that it’s damn near impossible to have a conversation with them without wanting to punch them in the face. For the rest of us I say Rose’ and Bologna. Give it a try.
One word of caution, hold the sauerkraut! Way too much acid. If you insist on the kraut, then disregard this dissertation and just have a beer.
Cheers,
Derf Selrahc