Your Future Looks Like Crap
By Bobby Lifeline La Douche’
As we start the 2023 year its apparent that something magical is happening. A magician is trained to take your eyes elsewhere while the trick happens. You get immersed in the trick and forget about the things that are happening all around you. A teacher in Greendale, Wisconsin was fired for putting his hands on a high school kid. What happened? The math teacher was facing the blackboard and this kid pushes him into the board from behind. The teacher turns to face and stop the kid from further attack. He’s fired for touching this piece of crap. You cannot touch a student, period. Let’s call this little future criminal Todd. Todd needed to get expelled as well as the shit kicked out of him from his dad. Oh, I forgot, dad is in rehab and his live-in girlfriend hates this kid. The kid’s mom is now a lesbian whose current butch looking wife with the mohawk is not interested in kids. Todd wonders if he should be a girl. He keeps hearing about it everywhere he goes. The school system spends a lot of time making sure that this is what you learn at school now. Todd can’t write at all although he’s good at getting angry and acting out. As the magician completes the trick by making the teacher disappear, we now dismiss what actually is happening because all we can see is the trick. This is the way that all the administrators protect their jobs. Never ever ever blame the kid or his parents or parent or foster mother or sister or live in transient dad or mom. There are several tricks that are taking our eyes off the ball. Let’s spend every waking minute recreating rules about where kids go to the bathroom, litter boxes in the bathrooms for the fury’s, pronouns, LGBTQ rights, sexual orientation, and all other forms of diversion. We all take the bait and the schools process failing children right out to the adult public. This way we can assure that it will become impossible to hire teachers because nobody in their right mind will put up with this shit. You liberals out there who believe in this agenda will be the ones who suffer the effects of your non- stop train ride off the cliff. The conservatives (also known as racists) who fight in vain to keep sanity in our schools and country are older and will not get to see all the benefits of your nonsense years from now. As my friend Don told me, “You made your bed, now lay in it.”
Item 2
How is it possible to say that inflation is about 13%? I must be shopping at the wrong stores and using the wrong electricity and the wrong airlines and the wrong car companies and the wrong restaurants. I’d guess that products and services have gone up about 40%. Do the math.
Item 3
Concert tickets.
The mass rape of fans is in full tilt. The tickets sales and resales are all corrupted. You get to pay an enormous amount to watch your star on a
jumbotron because you are two blocks away. You as the consumer can put the kibosh on all this pillaging by simply refusing to buy tickets. You know what’s better than this situation is watching the concert DVD produced to the hilt after the tour. Put that baby on your 80-inch screen and Bose soundbar. Private bathroom, kitchen services, and the ability to stop the performance at your convenience is remarkable for about $25. Don’t forget a beer at this concert is $1. Mixed drinks a bit more.
Item 4
Chris Rock answers back comedy special on Netflix
Never has the term nigger or niggers been said more in an hour. This is a very tired schtick. If I was a betting genius, I would say Mr. Rock snorted a line of cocaine about 6 feet long. I was getting diarrhea watching him prance around the stage like a caged leopard. A total shit show that really was an hour-long rant. His pointed remarks about Will Smith, Jada and the fam was not worth the one year wait for a rebuttal to Will Smith slapping him in the face during last years Oscar show. It certainly didn’t knock all the niggers out of him.
Rated: X Rated: Five piles of crap
Item 5
Nate Bargatzy: Comedian of Merit
All of you nice people need to watch Nate Bargatzy on Netflix and Prime Video. You will laugh your ass off with no nigger talk, no talk about licking buttholes, no talk of pussy (another favorite word of Chris Rock). In fact, any body of any age can watch his routines without having to shove people out of the room. His first special on Netflix was The Tennessee Kid in 2019, the second was The Greatest Average American from 2021 and the third is on Prime Video from 2023. First class entertainment along the lines of Jim Gaffigan but with a different style of delivery.
Rated: Fab Rated: Gold Standard for Comedy
Joke of the Day
What do you call a vehicle that transports pigs to the hospital?
A Hambulance
This was a joke taken from a Hallmark movie and massaged a bit.
Item 6
HGTV I Can’t Take it Any More!
A person can only see so much drywall get yanked off a wall. I have made an observation after all the thousands of remodels shown on HGTV. Apparently nobody who own these homes watch TV, yet they are selling 80” tv’s buy the millions all over the place. Look closely at the finished living rooms and family rooms and the way the furniture is placed. There is no TV anywhere to be seen. What………Americans don’t watch any of the 8000 stations that they pay for monthly? The first thing to design properly is where you watch TV, how many people can be accommodated, and a proper passage way for the women to bring us food and drink. The rest doesn’t matter. Wake up Chip. Smell the coffee, Joanna.
Item 7
The Southern Border: Plan 1
A few years ago, I wrote in crapmagazine.com that migrants could be used to plant landmines along the border instead of being housed, clothed, fed, medicated and cell phoned for free by the American taxpayer. I took some heat for my plan but I believe it to be viable and cost effective. They could place the mines in the US while kneeling in Mexico. Any unintentional body parts that end up in the US would be thrown back into Mexico by supervisors. The government could send their paychecks (minimum wage) via money orders from Walmart like the illegals do who are in the US. No cultural adjustment needed.
The Southern Border: Plan 2
The United States gives a 90- day notice to the entire world that Marshall Law will start at the southern US border. People crossing a well- defined line and signs in every major language of the world will simply be shot and left for the buzzards. How many people would it take to be shot and killed before the crossings would cease? Does this sound stupid? I really am not sure. The wall wasn’t such a bad idea, was it? Walls and guns make for good neighbors.
Item 8
The WNBA: The joke that will never end.
Let’s just face reality. Nobody, not even the chain wearing, crew cut toting, dyed in the wool lesbo pays to watch the WNBA. The NBA subsidizes this bull shit league and losses 10 million dollars a year. 12 million this year. Why? This is to sooth somebody but I don’t know who. Women don’t watch it, men don’t watch it, binary folks don’t watch it, non-binary folk don’t watch it, transgender thems don’t watch it, and the gays don’t watch it. In an effort to make believe that women can play as well as men is just a liberal hologram. The Lesbian Pro Golf Association is under the same cloud of LSD. Nobody really wants to watch Brittney Griner. That’s it. I drop my mic.
Item 9: Music
The Wild Feathers
Countryish rock band which is really good. A few years ago, I read a critique of the Wild Feathers first album named the Wild Feathers. The critic took way more print space then usual and so I gave it a listen. Reminiscent of early Eagles with great melodies and rich harmonies, I was in. It borders newer country music but stays in its own lane. There’s somebody who sounds like Tom Petty in there. They have no mediocre albums. The Wild Feathers, Alvarado, Greetings from the Neon Frontier, and Medium Rarities which has a killer cover of Almost Cut My Hair by CSNY are all worth your time. And you thought there was nothing worthwhile in here.
Grade: A Prime
Item 10
San Francisco
Is that poop or do they like the color brown in Frisco? San Francisco citizens no longer want to be a sanctuary city. Are they saying that feces and needles laying everywhere is not enchanting. They don’t like their new theme song “I Left My Bowels in San Francisco”? Don’t like all the squatter laws? Property values taking a dump? People dying all around you. Crime up. Places you no longer can go to. You reap what you sow.
Final Item
Mexico for Surgery
Double yikes! Just recently a group of 4 Americans drove into the anus of Mexico on their way for one of them to get a tummy tuck. It resulted in murder, kidnapping and injury. There are so many things wrong with that idea that it stuns me. I will assume that all 4 of these people are a product of critical race theory and the woke philosophy. They teach these kids that everyone is just a human looking for love and comfort and if you treat people well the same will be returned to you. Look out for whitey, however. Well, I can’t feel sad for any of these idiots. They would have been safer taking a ride in the Ukraine behind Russian lines. Mexico is a third world country. Does any competent person go to Mexico for health care because of their training and superior outcomes? Good Lord, let yourself be fat.
Bobby L your friend in the refrigerator!